Wandering Wonders

Heya, ladies and fellas!

I haven’t written in a while, so I thought it would be a fine time to write.  Lately I’ve had a lot of thoughts and feelings that will remain internal because of their nature.  But, being as indecisive as I am, I have not yet made up my mind on so many things that I feel like a little girl who has been spinning around in Alice’s teacups for far too long:  When can I get a break from this ride long enough to hurl over the side and not hit everyone else in the process?  Or Eileen in eighth grade, who spewed lunch all over her desk, as I watched  it spill quickly and sloppily over the edges, after just  having had a most pleasant conversation with me.  And no one even knew she was sick that day.  But enough about sickness.

You know, when people ask me what I’ve been up to and what I am planning on doing in the near future, I always have a hard time answering because honestly I do not know. I haven’t planned as far out as tomorrow. And then it dawns on me that they probably don’t want to hear:

“I’ve been reading travel books like novels, and novels like magazines.  I started Twilight because my sister forced me, and found the writing mediocre and redundant but easily empathized with Bella because Edward is a lot like my ex-boyfriend in the sense that the attraction could be fatal. I also read ”What Color is Your Parachute” and started three other books.  And then I quit my job where I’ve worked the past five and a half years because I just couldn’t do it anymore and no one could pay me enough to stay in retail.  And I quit without having a job lined up. This was the first time since fifteen that I haven’t had a job lined up.  I found a job on Christmas day as an au pair in New Zealand, and while the family looks wonderful I am scared out of my mind.”

So yeah, that’s how I have been. I have wanted to go to New Zealand for a while, but it has always seemed like this really far off place that wouldn’t be realistic to visit. And now I am going to live there for six months.  I am going to a crazy-beautiful island.  This is crazy.  I am crazy!  Haha. My biggest fear is that I will be lonely and will miss my ex-boyfriend, Phillip, who will be at least one ocean’s length away.  But moreso just loneliness in particular.  I am praying that I will meet people who really love Abba and live that way while I am there.  Please pray with me.

New Zealand aside, I have had this deep sense of grief and loss lately.  I know I am young, but I am not married and therefore for some reason I feel that I have failed. This is the fifth consecutive Christmas I’ve spent alone.

Hey. Haven’t written a while, but I am doing well.  I have been starting up my own ESL tutoring job, watching kids in the morning at Cornerstone, and also teaching at AUM on the weekends.  On top of that I am applying to grad school at the Jagiellonian Skola in Cracow, Poland– more because I want to go back to Europe than anything else.  I am applying to the Central and Eastern European Studies Program, but we shall see.

On top of that, I have been trying to meet a lot of people and make new friends. This is kinda hard sometimes and really easy at other times because I can be outgoing sometimes, but am generally reserved.  All my friends kinda left, and I am in transition myself, so I didn’t know how good of an idea it was to invest the emotional energy it takes so make new friends. But boy, is it worth it!

Other than that, not much is up.   I am currently reading a book on Balkan History, and tutoring.